i suspect my updating this thing will come in spurts, obviously i haven't posted in awhile. i just went back and read through some of these and the thing that struck me the most (besides the fact that i was less embarassed than i expected to be) is how little i resemble the person that someone who read this would think if they didn't personally know me. i spend too much time for my own good on the internet, and i know that. i think what i'm realizing is that part of the reason for that is how much easier it is to appear to be the person you want to be. in real life if i wanted to convince you that i was an intelligent, kind, well read person with impeccable taste in music with a slew of friends and hanging on my every word...well i wouldn't even know where to start honestly. in the real world your actions, your tone of voice, your body language, and a million other things betray you. online you get to present that one line from that song that really gets you, that one picture that makes you look amazing, the one witty comment you thought of all day. real life is pretty bland compared to the internet. the flip side is that reality is a lot less lonely.
if there is one thing i can say here that you can believe it is that i do not live up to my online persona. not even remotely. i dont spend all my time thinking about the state of humanity and creating art that enriches people on a daily basis. i don't have a million friends that i party it up with every night. i dont always listen to music that you have to put work into understanding. in reality i am an extraordinarily selfish person, and if someone tells you they don't particularly care for me there is probably a good reason for it.
i realize that this is not an original thought, but i felt it needed to be said. what i post here is what is going on in my head during my more lucid moments, it is certainly not what defines the real me.
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